In the Storm

I have always said it...there's even a song about it, but I guess I didn't expect God to really test me on it. I've been through storms before: I watched my husband suffer when his life-long best friend and his wife were killed in a car accident shortly after we were all married; I watched my mother-in-law suffer with cancer, the effects of chemo and a bone-marrow transplant and still die and the worst one of all - I watched my Dad suffer from a brain tumor and die. My Dad was my buddy - I could call him from my office anytime of the day and just chat. He was smart (super smart!) and funny. Losing Daddy totally rocked my world and though I didn't think I could live through something like that, I did - with God's help.

Last week, something far worse than my Dad dying and living in glory with Jesus happened. I saw how Satan attacked my son (my baby) and caused him to feel worthless. I saw the signs...attributed it to puberty and figured he would "just get over it." He's an 11-year-old boy who, like every other 11-year-old, cares what people think and say. I'm thirty-"something" and I still worry about what people think...imagine how much it dictates a young person and their feelings and emotions. Connor is the one who, since pre-school, has stood up for the under-dog. He was never picked on, but if someone else was being picked on, made fun of or just needed help, in would step my Connor. Even to the point of getting in trouble for talking when he was trying to explain a concept to a lost student in class!

I will say that, as usual, God uses all things. I have learned to look deeper into not only my son's eyes and heart, but into all of my students. Connor is slowly realizing he has way more friends than he ever thought imaginable and is learning to be strong and deal with, what I like to call poopheads, that feel the need to spread rumors. He has not once asked to run from anything, but instead opted to stand up and face the music.

I have always said, and even more now say that he is a true treasure. I know that we go through all kinds of situations as we grow up so that God can use us for His purposes later on. I just wish that I could shelter my kids - definitely not what God has planned. I just know the impact my Connor will have on the world will be far more imaginable than I ever thought possible!

For the last week, the words to Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns, have gone through my head about a thousand times. And then it dawned on me...the song was written for me for just this time. (Not really, but it feels like it):

I was sure by now God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away,

Stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen

And it’s still raining

And as the thunder rolls

I barely hear your whisper through the rain,

I’m with you

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hand and praise

The God who gives and takes away.

And I’ll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

That you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm.

I remembered when I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone how can I carry on

If I can’t find You?

And as the thunder rolls

I barely hear your whisper through the rain,

I’m with you

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hand and praise

The God who gives and takes away.

Mom loves you Connor...