In the Storm

I have always said it...there's even a song about it, but I guess I didn't expect God to really test me on it. I've been through storms before: I watched my husband suffer when his life-long best friend and his wife were killed in a car accident shortly after we were all married; I watched my mother-in-law suffer with cancer, the effects of chemo and a bone-marrow transplant and still die and the worst one of all - I watched my Dad suffer from a brain tumor and die. My Dad was my buddy - I could call him from my office anytime of the day and just chat. He was smart (super smart!) and funny. Losing Daddy totally rocked my world and though I didn't think I could live through something like that, I did - with God's help.

Last week, something far worse than my Dad dying and living in glory with Jesus happened. I saw how Satan attacked my son (my baby) and caused him to feel worthless. I saw the signs...attributed it to puberty and figured he would "just get over it." He's an 11-year-old boy who, like every other 11-year-old, cares what people think and say. I'm thirty-"something" and I still worry about what people think...imagine how much it dictates a young person and their feelings and emotions. Connor is the one who, since pre-school, has stood up for the under-dog. He was never picked on, but if someone else was being picked on, made fun of or just needed help, in would step my Connor. Even to the point of getting in trouble for talking when he was trying to explain a concept to a lost student in class!

I will say that, as usual, God uses all things. I have learned to look deeper into not only my son's eyes and heart, but into all of my students. Connor is slowly realizing he has way more friends than he ever thought imaginable and is learning to be strong and deal with, what I like to call poopheads, that feel the need to spread rumors. He has not once asked to run from anything, but instead opted to stand up and face the music.

I have always said, and even more now say that he is a true treasure. I know that we go through all kinds of situations as we grow up so that God can use us for His purposes later on. I just wish that I could shelter my kids - definitely not what God has planned. I just know the impact my Connor will have on the world will be far more imaginable than I ever thought possible!

For the last week, the words to Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns, have gone through my head about a thousand times. And then it dawned on me...the song was written for me for just this time. (Not really, but it feels like it):

I was sure by now God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away,

Stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen

And it’s still raining

And as the thunder rolls

I barely hear your whisper through the rain,

I’m with you

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hand and praise

The God who gives and takes away.

And I’ll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

That you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm.

I remembered when I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone how can I carry on

If I can’t find You?

And as the thunder rolls

I barely hear your whisper through the rain,

I’m with you

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hand and praise

The God who gives and takes away.

Mom loves you Connor...

VBS!

Okay, I'm used to filling in where ever needed by my husband. However, this past week, I did something I've NEVER done before...and actually liked it. You see, my husband, is a lot like me (good thing seeing how we're married!) and would rather do something/everything himself than to see it half-heartedly done by someone else. When the subject of Vacation Bible School came up MONTHS ago, some wanted to cancel it this year. Jeromy didn't - it is Connor's last year of it and Peyton's first year of it and he didn't want them to lose that valuable time. Therefore, he said the words he's been saying more and more lately, "I'll do it."

Translation, I'll head it up and my wife will be my gopher/secretary. I LOVE that role in church work - it was made for me!!!! (At my job, it's quite different, but that's a whole new blog!) So we embarked on coordinating and pulling off this year's Vacation Bible School, Outrigger Island. One of the big parts of VBS is the music. There's a theme song and a different song for each day to match their lessons. On top of the words, there are hand motions to be learned. Then once you've learned them, you have to demonstrate and teach them - daily! That was one of the jobs that my husband very lovingly delegated to me! I've NEVER gotten up on stage, taught singing and "dancing" to anyone - didn't think God would really want me in that position. Boy was I wrong.

I didn't want to be the only fool on the stage, so I recruited two other fools - Drew & Daniel Garner. Who in turn, recruited another - Taylor Hutson! Daniel worked the sound booth with Dan, the WONDERFUL sound guy and Drew, Taylor, Brittany (one of our Youth at church) and I danced for God. I was soooo nervous the first night, but went home with a huge smile on my face knowing I had done my absolute best for God and the kids had a great time. I always warn people to be careful - if you do a good job, it could become your's permanently. I forgot that lesson.....I was informed last night that I had forever earned the title of the Music leader for VBS. (To be honest...it's okay with me - I was more blessed than any of those kids!)

During VBS I was also reminded of what a wonderful family I have - especially my husband. He works a full-time job, a part-time job, goes to school full-time and still has time for us. Sure, we have our typical husband/wife spats (in which I'm right...and he just takes a little longer than necessary realizing it!), but he's the best husband in the world and I pray constantly that God will continue blessing him for all he's done.

I see the light...

For those that live in a hole, you might not know that the school year is QUICKLY wrapping up. For those that teach, we've been counting the days down since August!

I'm excited that God has blessed me with a job that allows me to spend summers with my children (and my husband when he can get time off) and still pay our bills! However, before I can begin that relaxing time, I must get through the end of the year. For me it means grading research papers, writing exams, exam review sheets and grading said exams, coordinating the MS awards program, coordinating and pulling off the MS History Fair, coordinating and pulling off in a dignified manor the National Honor/National Junior Honor Society induction and scheduling, pulling off and walking around in the heat at a local theme park for our last field trip. I'm down to my last MAJOR hurdle (the field trip) and then it's grading, grading, grading.

Anyway, the end of the year is a hectic time for me, but even more so for my precious family. They endure my stress, lack of home-cooked meals and laundry running behind to help me in any way, shape, form or fashion they can. They endure because they love me. I know this is true, because I sure wouldn't put up with me! Thank you family :)

Now, add to all the crap I've just put them through extra stress of finding out whether or not I'll have a job next year. My school has been blessed with a tremendous new Administration team for next year. They have come in and accepted a job for the not-so-faint at heart. Unfortunately, one of the first things they must do is to make our budget fit within our enrollment. We all knew that not everyone would have the opportunity to return next year, so for over a week, we were on pins and needles. On Friday I was blessed to find out that not only do I have a job next year, but I get to keep my title and my position. Even more important to me was the fact that they seem to appreciate me and what I do.

God is ALWAYS faithful and when we're in His will doing what He wants, He'll direct our steps and put us exactly where He wants us. Therefore, after all of this, I am seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel and it's looking mighty bright!!!!

My babies

My babies are getting older. My son just turned 11 in March. In two SHORT years he'll be a teen-ager. I remember visiting him in the NICU at Arnold Palmer and holding my 3 pound, 7 ounce little baby. Now he's as tall as me and getting smarter everyday. Lately he and I have been butting heads, so to speak. I expect perfection (though I'd never tell him that) and he expects me to WAIT on him and allow him to move in his own time. Therefore, we both seem to have plenty to say and not much desire to listen to the other. Nonetheless, he's my oldest baby and I will love him forever - no matter what.

My youngest baby is getting ready to turn 2 next Month. I remember 3 years ago sadly working on facing the reality that we probably couldn't have more children. I remember praying MANY times a day for God to help me to realize that His plan was the only plan and for me to accept whatever He decided. It was about the time that I felt like I was truly getting better at this acceptance that we found out we had a "Peyton" on the way. It was just yesterday I was holding her in the hospital and thanking God that no one was going to wisk her away from me (like I had watched Connor being taken to the NICU). Now she toils around the house carrying purses, changing clothes every time she sees some and telling me what she wants to do. No matter how old they get, how tall they get or how smart they get, they'll always be my babies. Connor rolls his eyes every time I say this, but my sweet baby girl will say "Mommy" when I ask who's baby she is. (Of course, she says "Daddy" when he asks, but who's counting??)

God gave them to me and for that I will be eternally grateful and never able to fully thank Him. I pray that when I get to Heaven, God looks at my children and says "Good job." I also pray that when we all get to Heaven, Connor and Peyton see Nana Donlon and Papa Macey waiting at the gates for them.

Waiting for God...

I'm not a very good "waiter." I don't mean as in serving food (actually do that quite well for my fam!) I mean waiting on things. We live in a society where everything is instantaneous. If it's not, then, heck, we don't want it! If there's something any member of my family needs (or even wants most of the time) I do whatever is in my power (I pay the bills so I do have some minute power) to obtain said "thing." (Side note to my only reader: honey, I know about the r/c car request - you're birthday is still one month away!)

Along that line, I'm not particularly good at waiting on God. If I pray and don't see an instant answer, I decide that I must take things into my own incapable hands. I know, and I tell my students all the time that no answer means it's not His will, or the answer could possibly be forthcoming. But I don't think that applies to me! My mom always said to practice what you preach - easier said than done!

So, now I am going to make a conscience effort to wait. Wait and see what God has planned for my school, wait and see what BIG plans God has for my husband and wait and see what plans He's carrying out in our new church. I figure, it's the least and the most I could do....

Oh my gosh...I'm getting older!

On Saturday, we took Connor to EPCOT for his annual birthday trip. (We actually go to Disney quite frequently, but once a year, he gets to take a friend for his birthday.) The weather was cold (didn't have to worry about sweating) and windy (forget the hairdo!), but we bundled up and had a great time.

Connor and his friend, Alan, wore their hoodies all day and tried to look as emo as possible. You see, it's not cool to smile when you're 10 going on 11, but he had a good time and has thanked us several times. Dad made him go on the Norway ride 'cause that's my fave and he ended up liking it and saying it was now his fave! However, we did have to skip the movie and I happen to be the only individual in the free world who really likes that piece of cinematic artistry!

Peyton was just amazed all day. She had a stroller, but spent a lot of time walking (actually scurrying to keep up with us). She only got cranky at 4:30 because she still hadn't had a nap so we slipped into the American Adventure (I love that place!) and she slept for about 20 minutes. After that she was ready to go again! She was so amazed at seeing the characters, especially Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Goofy, Pooh and Tigger - from a distance. She wasn't so hot on them up close. Hence, Mom is in every STINKIN' picture. But hey, it's all worth it!

Dad spent the day toting the camera and taking pics of the family and random "artsy" stuff. (However, there were a few characters, he felt he could get a "good" pose with - see monkey at right!) Give him a camera and stuff to shoot and he's good to go. However, he did get "in trouble" when he went back into the store in Norway to "buy the kids some candy" and came out with a bottle of Laila - perfume from Norway that I've always drooled over, but refused to spend the money on. Thanks honey!


I must say the highlight of the day for me was listening to the band Off Kilter - boy that was a hoot. (Insert sarcastic line here). You see, they are a band that feels the need to include of all things, a bigpipe player. Why were bagpipes invented anyway? I mean, what musical value do they hold? The sound is atrocious and it just looks awkward. When I think of bagpipes, the only thing that comes to mind is "ewwwwww!"

Anyway, to the older part. I remember waking up at the crack of dawn to the be the FIRST in line at the gates and being the last to leave the park. Now, I'm up at the crack of dawn to get my children and husband up and ready and as soon as the sun BEGINS its descent, I'm ready to call it a day. My son, however, is not. So, we trod on...sore feet, sore back, sore muscles, etc. It truly is a great day anytime we go, but I have found the recovery period to get longer and longer as the years go on!

I finally gave in...

My husband (God love him) has been NAGGING me to blog. He blogs quite a bit now and his are always so insightful and thought-provoking...then there's mine. I've titled my little piece 'o the internet "My Small World" because that's what I have - and I'm quite happy with it. If I'm not at work, I'm either at home, at church or out-and-about with my family. They are my whole world. I wouldn't change a thing.

Quite often, I'll find myself looking at one of them and think "I can't believe God chose me to be his wife, or his mother, or her mother!" My husband is following his heart and God's call and is working diligently on his degree in Biblical Studies. (He and I still laugh that he's earning a BS in B.S.!) Anyway, he works a full-time job, a part-time job (he's the AWESOME College & Young Adult Pastor at Lockhart Baptist Church), goes to school and still finds time to be a great Dad to Connor and Daddy to Peyton (not cool to be "Daddy" to a 10-year-old).

Connor is a 10-year-old (actually will be turning 11 in 15 days!) that's going on 16. He and I have such similar personalities it's scary. It's also what causes us to butt heads a lot nowadays. However, I just keep reminding myself he's going through a difficult time learning to live with and deal with hormones - AUGH. I'm not ready for puberty. Just yesterday he was a tiny 3 pound 7 ounce preemie that was in a plastic box in the NICU at Arnold Palmer. Now he's just shy of being as tall as me, has made straight A's his entire "grade school career," is an up-and-coming NBA player (yes, I'm counting on that!) and loves God with all of his heart.

Now with all the testosterone in the house, God decided on May 31, 2006 to bless us with the final piece to our family - a little princess. Peyton Hailey was the baby we hoped and prayed for for over 3 years. Just when we had decided that it was not to be and were working on accepting it (okay, I was having a bit of trouble in this department), we were reminded how faithful God is. After a very guarded pregnancy, she was delivered 2 weeks short of full-term at a healthy 8 1/2 pounds. (Wow, that was different - going from a 3.7 baby to an 8.5 baby - OUCH.)

I doubt anybody reads these because they'll probably put most people to sleep, but I am following my husband's advice and blogging - if for no other reason than to have something to leave for my children to read. So that's the end of my very first blog - all the parts of My Small World.